Wednesday, January 16, 2013

you'll find your new door, down the hall and to the left

     First off, I have no intention of making this a "this injury has become a blessing in disguise" post. I was doing just find before this. But, much like the lack of posts over the last few days, there's only so much bitching I'll allow myself to do. So, yes I'm frustrated and get depressed a bit, but it was time to buck up and use this, somehow. Lemonade out of lemons and all of that. Mostly it was going to allow myself to be curious.

When I was a kid I couldn't kick a football right (no pun intended). My father told me to try with my left foot. So I did and was quite successful ("quite" might be exaggerating. I was never a sports guy. I was more competent than "quite successful"). I also felt I had more control and strength in my left arm than I should have had, but my family is all right handed so I learned to write with my right. All of this meaning, I believe there was a possibility I was supposed to be left handed. This surgery allowed me to see if I could wake up that possibility and maybe it has.

Someone asked me if this was like learning to draw all over again. That's too broad, I think. Learning to draw means you lack the experience and knowledge and are slowly acquiring them. This is more like learning to use a new tool. I remember the first time I held a quill in my hand. It didn't make sense but over time it became an extension of myself. That's what this is like, my mind knows what to do, but the tool is so awkward that the execution of drawing/painting is more challenging. Like thinking you want to start drawing with your shoe. I'm sure it can be done, but at first, you don;t know how to hold it, the movements seem uncontrollable, it's unstable, nothing will be comfortable about it.

What I've learned is that I really like the pencil stage of the drawings with my left (the first drawings of my father and the apes were not penciled at first. They were straight to ink drawings). There is an awkwardness and movement and exaggeration in the left handed drawing that I could not seem to let go and get to with my dominant hand. And that had excited me immensely. Much like continuing to learn Italian after getting back from Italy, I have every intention of using my left hand, long after the recovery is complete.

This experience has allowed me to access more of myself in my work.

I will continue to lay out my drawings with my left and stay true to them in the finishes with my right. The idea that not only will I use both hands in my work from now on, but I'm more excited because both hands offer different advantages. Tightly technical execution, and more fluid, moving forms.

A new option in my work has presented itself and I'll use it as the next chapter.

I'm excited to get this damn sling off my arm. But I'm more excited that I feel like this has allowed me to feel even more in control of my world. I'm less dependent on outside validation. Not checking myself or looking for answers through the hundreds of artists I know or that reside in my sizable library.

In 2 and a half weeks, when I get out of this sling, I'll come out with my own voice, screaming. This has been years coming and finally I believe I have the tools to not pull back anymore.


This was a blessing in disguise.

Monday, January 07, 2013

war from the left

discovering new things.

This, on the other hand was done late in the insomnia hours. no sleep available. As watched the extended cut of Apocalypse Now with a glass of Ardbeg, this came to be.


Saturday, January 05, 2013

Friday, January 04, 2013

whats left

back to people drawing.

nights can get rough. It's quiet. Not a ton of mobility. I waited to post this until I could read it in the light of the next day. It's bitter and annoyed. But it's honest. Nights can suck and not being allowed to fully get into work puts me in a dark place sometimes. I feel great today. I have a meeting about a comics project and and working on a few new drawings for a possible painting. But for full disclosure, this was the post written around 1:00 am last night:

im bored out of my skull.

drawing left handed takes so much focus and concentration. Its exhausting. I feel like 2013 started and Im on the side lines "experimenting and healing and learning". Yeah, that's nice, but Ive another 4 weeks of this shit.

I start a drawing in the morning. read a little bit. do my therapeutic exercises, then back in the sling. My friend Kent came to see me today. Went to lunch. it was nice. Haven't had a lot of artist friends visit. As artists, we tend to keep our heads up our own asses quite a bit. Hell, I do. But it was refreshing to catch up and talk.

Then I came back home.

I'm either tired or in pain.

By 10pm I just want the day to be over. I have a script to my own graphic novel ready to be thumbnailed. but  for me, thumbnailing a comic is another major part to writing it. and that means it requires a certain level of involvement and momentum. Things I cannot do left handed.

I can't write. I'm tired of hearing my own damn voice when I record it for texts and blogs.

My wife takes great care of me, but theres an entire new year beginning and I'm not able to jump in.

I'm the guy on the couch, under the blanket, with the ice pack machine on his shoulder. healing.

Im sure I'm just in a mood.

Good days and bad.

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

Happy left year

Another ape! 11x17. Starting to try and use a little paint as well. Back to humans or something, tomorrow. The pain amped up over the last few days. It's been hard to focus on anything. But it seems to be easing up now.

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

Happy New Year!

More left handedness coming tomorrow.
Thanks to everyone for really incredible support over this last year.

This year will bring in a new sketchbook, Children's book, comics project, and new body of personal paintings/ drawings. I'm really excited.

Taking a quick break from the left handed world, here's a painting I finished at the end of last year before my surgery. 67x67 in.

Thanks everybody. Have an amazing new year!!!!!